So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
