dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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