Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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