good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
