Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
