capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
that may or may not have been my penis.
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