The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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