dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize