I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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