am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
