We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
