Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
