Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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