Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I cannot find my penis.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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