I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
