and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
