That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
