Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
