Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
