I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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