Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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