What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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