So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
