Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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