First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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