I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
PANTIES FOUND
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