I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
