Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
