hotel room ftw
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
