Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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