if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
cat food counts as protein by the way
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
