i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
