Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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