i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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