Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
