remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I have peed in a lot of sinks
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
