If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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