I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
