She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
