Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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