I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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