hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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