The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
