Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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