After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
