I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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