I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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