He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
