I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
