im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you didnt know i had herpes?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
