matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
