We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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