I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
