Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
NoShamevember. You game?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
