Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
