You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
