bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
