at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
