My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
