I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
