we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
