i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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