Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
