Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Houston, we have a blender
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
