He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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