Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize