And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
