haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
