So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he shaved USA in his pubs
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
