One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
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