he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
