My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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