Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
