This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
