garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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