How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
