6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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