Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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