around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
