if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the condom got lost in my hair
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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