why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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