I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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