I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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