i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
