I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
