he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
