theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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