I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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