I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
