I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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