I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
