Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I had to cum in my sink.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
